Am I a Christian?
Am I a Christian? That’s the question I’m wrestling with this morning. I really don’t know any more, given the world of labels and dogma that we live in. One of my favorite bloggers, Real Live Preacher, wrote about a new blogging community he is supporting called High Calling Blogs, which is about Christians trying to live out their faith in the workplace. It sounds really interesting. I even thought about linking my blog to it for a moment, but then I got to wondering if I qualified. I’m not sure any more that I do. Then there were these categories to fall into: clergy, parenting, writers, business, etc. Panic! I don’t know which category of Christian in the workplace I fall into. I don’t fit into any box just right.
I was raised as a “Christian.” We went to church. I made a “public profession of faith” and followed in baptism. I even felt a “calling” to the ministry and pursued a college degree in religious studies. I pastored churches for almost ten years and occassionally still speak at churches from time to time when asked, but the question “am I a Christian?” sticks with me this morning.
If you have read any number of my posts over the last few years, you would know that I’ve been on a journey, initially trying to flush out what it means to be a Christian and a church in the 21st century, but my quest has turned broader trying to discover what it means to be human, period. I have doubts, serious doubts, about the authenticity of many common core beliefs to Christianity yet I love the person of Jesus for who he was, what he did, and what he said. Even then do we love the real historical Jesus or the one the gospel writers wanted us to know or the one Paul wanted us to know. Who knows for sure? For all that I love about Jesus there are so many things that he said that I just don’t get.
I don’t believe in a “literal hell.” I believe in a literary hell and hell on earth. I question the common conception of heaven and afterlife as it has been taught. I seriously doubt the virgin birth and some days the divinity of Christ. I think Christians are fine with wrecking the environment because they think Jesus is probably coming in the next decade or so, but I don’t really think he’s coming, at least not as fundamentalists would like to believe. I think he comes everyday in the lives of those who embrace love and grace. For all of my infatuation with the church I’m having a hard time just stomaching it lately. The thought of pastoring another church makes me completely nauseous.
So, am I a “Christian?” I honestly don’t know. The label doesn’t matter to me. Whether others consider me one is really irrelevant to me. Asking the question is sort of like the ridiculous question, “Do you believe the Bible?” What kind of question is that? Exactly which Bible are you asking about? Let’s start there first with some basic definitions. KJV, NIV, NRSV, Catholic Bible, or the Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic? Even if we’re talking about the ancient language texts, which manuscript are we talking about? You know older more reliable manuscripts contradict some of the newer ones used in translations, but those little footnotes are regarded as heresy among “true believers.” Do you realize the authors, the compilers, and those who closed the canon had a bias, an agenda? Books that did not fit their theological view point were omitted. The same is quickly happening with people who formerly identified themselves as “Christians.” If you don’t buy what they’re selling, you’re out. I’m fine with being out.
I don’t know if I fit the defintion of what it is to be a “Christian” these days. Maybe we need a new word. Maybe we don’t need any words. I’m me. I’m happy with that. Is that ok?
“I think he comes everyday in the lives of those who embrace love and grace.” That’s pretty much what it’s all about for us.
I can’t speak to whether you are Christian or not. I guess a big part of that depends on whether you’d call yourself a Christian. We don’t have much of a litmus test for theological positions at the Foundation and HighCallingBlogs.com. Though, I have to admit, we’re solidly evangelical. We’re also ecumenical.
The Foundation’s retreat center, Laity Lodge, has featured a wide range of Christian speakers from Richard Foster to N. T. Wright to Eugene Peterson to Madeleine L’Engle.
No pressure to join the blog network, of course. But I definitely invite you to read our various blogs as we start up there.
Mark Goodyear
October 11, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Thanks for the comment, Mark. I think the blog network is a great idea and well put together. My remarks aren’t a knock on you guys. It just brought up a question I’ve really been wrestling with. I’ll definately be a regular reader at the site and wish you guys much success!
Lyndon
October 11, 2007 at 2:45 pm
In the classic sense, Lyndon, I would say that you are not a Christian.
You seem to be one who admires Christ and his works, but you have not had the “confrontation” with him. If you have not confronted Christ and accepted his work of grace , and are not relying on him for your hope of heaven, and if he is not ministering to your heart and soul, you are not a true Christian.
It sounds like you think of Christ as a good man who came to establish a social gospel. I think he is more that that. I hope you will someday see that, too.
Bill
October 13, 2007 at 7:02 pm
I appreciate your comments, Bill. However, I have had a “confrontation” with Christ and have found grace in him when from nowhere else, but I am not relying upon a “conversion” encounter for a hope of heaven. In fact, I question the idea of “hope of heaven,” as it would mean that there were an alternative to be feared. Christ “ministers” to me through his words and life, as recorded in the gospels. I’m not sure that Christ came to establish anything. His life and work appear more to be those of a revolutionary that challenged that which was already established.
It may not seem like it now, but where you are and where so many in Christendom are, I have been. I know the language, the ideas, and the emotions well. I respect them, but I don’t share them any longer.
Lyndon
October 13, 2007 at 8:43 pm
I have come to the conclusion that this is pretty well a meaningless question, because the word Christian is a meaningless word. Some non-Christians exhibit very “christian” qualities and some Christians exhibit some very “non-christian” qualities. We are each a bit soupy mixture of all the richness of human nature.
Jon
jonfeatherstone
October 16, 2007 at 10:12 pm
beautifully articulated both in your initial blog and your follow up responses. i share many of your experiences. take care.
moriah
October 30, 2007 at 1:56 am
Lyndon, I completely understand your confusion. With so many people professing to be Christians, and so few actually acting like the Christians you and I were brought up to be, the definition is open to interpretation. I can imagine that some of the events in your life have caused you to question the strict fundamentalist views our parents once taught us. How can men decide what Jesus or God wants us to do when His last appearance here on Earth was 2,000 years ago? Things were different, for better or worse.
I have recently had a change of heart, though not as sweepingly as your own. I have found comfort and peace with Catholicism. Knowing (or would that be “Believing”?) that Jesus himself appointed Peter to be the rock (a.k.a. Pope?) of His church, the religion on which all other Christian denominations are based, gives me more cause to believe in it. I am not naive enough to ignore the human hands that have tainted the church over the millennia, but I can live with the core of the faith. How can “they” know that Jesus wouldn’t have approved of any form of birth control? (Pet peeve of mine, sorry.)
After reading the DaVinci Code and books of the sort, I rather like the idea of Jesus as a husband and father. It makes Him more real to me, like someone I might know today.
Anyway, back to your post, my personal definition of a Christian is someone who believes Christ is the Son of God, born of a virgin, crucified for our sins, was resurrected, and ascended into heaven. Wait, that sounds a lot like the Profession of Faith recited in every Catholic mass. Have they gotten to me?
Dana
Dana
November 28, 2007 at 4:24 pm