Words Less Spoken

My teacher says that Westerners are stuck in their heads too much already, and it is good to develop awareness of our bodies as well as our minds in meditation practice. One of the simple meditation techniques that helps us to reconnect with our bodies is Vase Breathing.

You begin this meditation by finding a comfortable seated position. Just begin noticing your breath. Don’t try to change it. Let it settle into it’s own natural rhythm. After you have settled for a moment, on the next inhalation breathe awareness into the very center of your head. Hold it there for a second or so. When you exhale, breathe awareness down into your body in a quick body scan. Repeat.

My wife is a preschool teacher. She uses “conscious discipline” with the four year olds in her classroom. An expression that she uses often to help an angry or upset child is “take a deep breath and get some oxygen in your brain.” It may be just a visualization technique, but it has real benefits immediately. Most of us go through our day with shallow, rapid breathing under stress. Taking time to breathe calmly and deeply has real effects on our mood and can improve hypoxic states.

When we go through our daily activities on “auto-pilot,” we may go hours unaware of our bodies until we have a feeling like aches and pains or hunger in our stomachs near lunch time. When is the last time you were aware of the third toe on your left foot unless you hit it on accident?

In breathing awareness down into our bodies we are just reconnecting with the rest of the body which supports our heads and busy thinking. We are a whole person and not just the thoughts that we think. Feel your heart beating, your lungs breathing, the blood flowing through your veins.

Vase breathing is a simple way that helps us reconnect with our bodies that can be done anywhere at anytime, even before picking up the phone or walking into a meeting. It can be done sitting up, lying down, or walking, and even a few breaths or a few minutes can help you to refocus, be centered, and present.

Most everyone that’s new to meditation practice has expressed the same conflict and confusion. How do you tell your friends and family about your practice? The internal dialogue surrounding the decision is an interesting paradox worth exploring for ourselves.

You may have been at this for a while now and realize that this is something that you want to become a regular part of your life, or you may have realized that being yourself, being connected to the universe, practicing kindness is your life. It’s only natural to want to talk to others about something good that has happened to you. You may even have the best intentions of wanting others to find the happiness and calm center that you have discovered, but you know that some people in your life won’t be very receptive. Some may even be very judgmental and say hurtful things to you. So there is this conflict of wanting to share about your practice and the way you see the world and being afraid of being judged by loved ones who just don’t understand.

First, we need to explore our motivations for wanting to tell others about it but also explore why we are afraid of being judged by others. On one hand we may want to share our experience with others as another form of seeking approval and validation from people. While not to let anyone know about the changes we’ve experienced is a fear of rejection and losing approval. It’s really a paradox. The ego is at play in both decisions, but realizing how it’s at work gives us areas to explore and work through.

• What is it about me that craves the approval of others?
• Why do I need others to validate my experience for me?
• If I can’t be myself around those that love me, do they really love me or the idea of me?
• What is it about rejection that terrifies me and paralyzes me?

Second, we shouldn’t try to evangelize others to bolster our own lack of confidence. I ran across a wonderful Taoist insight by Chuang-tzu this week that we could learn from:

She let’s the confused stay confused
if that is what they want
and is always available
to those with a passion for the truth.

When we free ourselves of this desperate need for approval, we can be truly ourselves. When someone that we love has a genuine need or has expressed interest in changes they see in us, we can have the courage and humility to be honest and to be kind in our responses.

Remember, the Buddha said, “Be a lamp unto yourselves.” We don’t have to seek validation for the path that we know is right for us, but we also don’t have to force our way on others who may not be ready at this time or ever.

Practice loving-kindness and mindfulness for their own sake, whether anyone understands why you do or not. Just be yourself. Be present. Be kind. Let your life touch others and let your actions speak louder than words. Explanations won’t be necessary.

So I saw your post about Christianity & Buddhism. I am a Christian, but I adore other religions teachings as well, especially Buddhism & ones similar to it. Your blog made me not feel guilty anymore about that actually. But what I’m here to ask is; I’ve always been curious about meditation, but I’m unsure of how to go about it. I could merely google it, but I think I’d rather ask you. I think hearing your opinion, advice, or resources would be much preferred. So can you tell me about it?